I sat outside on a chilly morning with my coffee. I just was. The intent was simple – enjoy the start of the day. Watch the steam rise from the cup. Listen to the quiet. For a few moments, no one needed anything from me. I was free to just be.
And, you know what? It felt terrible. To actually just sit with myself and my thoughts and my quiet. But the quiet didn’t feel restful, it felt loud. My hand kept longing to reach for my phone. My body rebelled. It wanted me up. It wasn’t the peace I was longing for. It was uncomfortable, and my brain kept returning to all the things I knew I had yet do to, and all the things I should be doing.
When everything goes quiet, it’s like a switch for my brain to turn up the volume. Stillness leaves room for the things I’ve been outrunning. My brain takes the opportunity to remind me of all the things and question my desire to rest. It feels so counterintuitive, knowing I have all these tasks and responsibilities and needs, to sit and do nothing but enjoy a few moments in the new morning and one cup of coffee. But, I also know that I cannot continue as I have been.
So, today, I stayed seated. The chaos rose up, and I didn’t leave. I felt the sunshine on my face and I breathed – shaky as it was.